Exclusive: VIK & GABS - the lost WTA interview

VIK & GABS, thank you for talking with Tennis Sydney.

V&G: It’s your pleasure.

What were the highlights of the 2012 tour for you both? 

V: Making the decision to wear fluro-apricot, and designing a new range of potato scallops for Fish Ahoy.
G: Releasing Wet Wind – my new fragrance for K-Mart.

And the disappointments? 

G: The bad feedback on the scent of my Wet Wind. 

V: Not winning best-dressed at the Mardi Gras Tennis Tournament, 2012. 

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No touchdown for this effort at Mardi Gras.VIK broke
out the fluro not long after. GABS just broke down.

VIK, you’ve been linked to everyone this year from Prince Harry to Julian Assange to a ballboy in Doha. Your reputation as THE ‘party girl’ on tour is growing.

V: It’s absolutely true. I LOVE champagne showers, as you know. I also love dining out. Japanese is my absolute favourite, and when in Melbourne, I always go to Hanabishi – I’d do anything for their bukkake. I should wear a bib though – it’s a really messy dish.

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                                 In 2012, VIK pleased a prince and regularly pleasured herself with a simple champagne shower.

GABS, any comment on your run of wardrobe malfunctions at the Grand Slams this year? Ambush marketing from Fish Ahoy for your Wet Wind or just un/fortunate camera angles? 

G: Like my fragrances, my tennis is all about sensuality. And like my fragrances, the best way to say ‘I’m available’ is to slip a nip. So, wherever possible, that’s what I do. It’s my signature, and I hope it becomes yours too. 

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              GABS’ wardrobe choices ensure she is never off the front covers or the bedroom walls of teenage boys. 

You spend a lot time in the toilets on tour. You must hear quite a lot from the other girls. Any whispers you care to share?

G: Whilst massaging Dani’s elbow last week, she told me she once hit a ball which went up Billy Jean’s tennis skirt, and out fell Lindsay Davenport.  

V: Justine Henin blu-tacked a post-it note on my locker saying that Vera Zvonereva had gone clubbing all night before the Compass Tournament, which is why her sweat glands were more engorged than usual.   

Who are your greatest friends on the tour? And where do you hang out? 

V: It goes without saying [fights back tears] – GABS. She has a lovely left ankle, albeit a bit sinewy. We hang out at Murder Mall, Surry Hills.  

G: My best friend is Venus – she is so pretty and thin. We go shopping together at Murder Mall, Surry Hills.  

And rivals?  

G: Venus – she is so pretty and thin.  

V: The receptionist at Fish Ahoy.  I hate how arrogantly she types. 

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                             So strong. So beautiful.         Best friends forever share a love of bikini crouching.

Where will you be spending Christmas? 

V: Ibiza. I love going clubbing in Havaianas and dancing to my latest single, Champagne Showers, Ministry of Sound remix vol. 8.  

G: Palms. The pork roast is to die for. 

A fan wants to know, what are you hoping comes in your stockings this year?    

G: I just close my eyes and hope for the best.

V: When I was sitting on Santa’s… when I was telling Santa what I wanted him to put in my stocking… Look, just presents – OK?!  I get the feeling your audience is sexualising everything I say, and it’s tacky.

New Year’s Eve plans?   

G: Donna Hay has asked me to be a waitress at her harbour-side catering studio, but I said no (she saw me at the Tennis Sydney Bake-off this year).  So I’ll be in Sydney Park doing my charity work with Sydney’s male homeless population who wander alone through the bushes.  

V: I swapped shifts with GABS, so I’m working this NYE – it’ll be a busy one.  I’m catering a seafood event in Kyogle, my hometown, in collaboration with the reunion of the stars of 1984 Kyogle Fashion Parade. I’m gonna shoot a mullet out of my cannon at midnight.   

Please share some style advice with our readers to make their NYE a success for once?  

V&G: This summer is all about embracing leotards, and taking inspiration from physical culture. Incorporate bangles and imported fabrics that make you itch on the dance floor, or at your bain-marie. 

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                        Giving back and receiving often takes up a lot of their time. So versatile.

With a busy summer of tennis coming up, please let our readers know any special diet or supplements you may be on, that keep you both so strong and so beautiful. 

V: L-carnitine in its purist form.  It makes my nipples pop. And when I say pop, I mean elongate. 

G: Each Sunday, I go to Ella Bache, Gosford, to have l-glut pumped into my face to make my head heavier which improves my slice backhand. 

What lead-in tournaments are you playing for the Australian Open? Where can your fans see you in action? 

V: I’ll be doing a letterbox drop to alert fans of my whereabouts over summer.  Alternatively, contact Lynda Ricadonna-Lyndtt, HR Administrator for Fish Ahoy, for any urgent inquiries. 

G: I’m going in cold to the tournament – I’ll still be doing my Sydney Park volunteer work until the end of summer.

Rumours are flying that you will be appearing at the Australasian Gay & Lesbian Open in February. 

V&G: We never kiss and tell, unless you give us at least $25 in Costco gift vouchers. Never kissing and telling is not entirely true – one night we made out with a salmon that was half alive in the Fish Ahoy cold room… giggles.

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                                   Always willing to offer a blessing or embrace to the fans. So loving.

For a lot of players, the Open will be their first big tournament. Any tips?  

G: In tournament play, if a ball is close to the line, call it out.  It’s your call, and you’re beautiful. Not really!

V: For the tournie, touch as many balls as you can, and leave your signature on them. Make sure you have a massive posse courtside, but more importantly, ensure they’re pretty. Remember, it’s not about what you do on the court, it’s who you do off the court.  

What are your goals and dreams for 2013? 

G: 2013 sees me appearing in a new musical, based on the life of Sloane Stevens, called “Springtime Kitten Jute – The Quest for a Forehand.”

V: My dreams for 2013?  Invent a tasty new butter, cultured from the sweat of the male wildebeast.  

Thank you VIK & GABS. It’s semi-appreciated by our Members that you took the time for this shallow interview.
Have a jolly Christmas and terrific 2013 on your rise to superstardom. Stay strong. Stay beautiful.
V&G: We know that the tennis world look to us as the beacon of hope in their careers. The key to being as successful as V&G is to be beautiful and humble – like us. We wish you all the best in your tennis careers in 2013, and look forward to spraying you with forehands at the Australasian Gay & Lesbian Open in a couple of months time.

Giggles galore and Merry Chrimbo. V&G xx 

PS: Feeling frumpy and unfashionable? Visit our blog for instant fashion tips and life advice.